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User blog:Krayfish/Dark Prophecy Review So Far
All further comments should be on this blog. Now that we've sorted out most of the DP issues, most of it is just a matter of revision. However, as I was rereading it, there's a few more problems that came up. With the recent retcons and all, there are some things in the stories that are now inconsistent and/or outdated. Issues Technology Perhaps it is just me, but I am not really fond of wormhole transportation used in the same way as beaming from Star Trek. The main issue is not really the hardness of it, but its potential to create plot holes (no pun intended). There can be numerous instances where a character could just teleport to a specific location. (Example: Beaming directly to the Ice Temple rather than driving there.) I know the KMF uses wormholes, but for narrative and storytelling purposes, I think wormholes should only be limited to communication. The other technological issue was the Kklxin's and Genodraco's means of attack. Originally, it was written that they came in large teleportation spheres that transport themselves to the center of the core. I think it would be far simpler and more practical if they just came in large fleets and dropped to the ground in pods. As for the Shadow Ring, I was going to alter it a bit to once again avoid the issue of "Why couldn't he just beam out?". It's more or less a fine tuned invisibility device that allows him to move and react faster when in the shadows. Operation Dragonslayer This story is fine for the most part except for the ending. With Suppy changing Tholker's personality, it's highly unlikely that he will blow up the ship as carelessly as he did. The events of the ending should be alterred. Pacing Operation Raising Hell, Operation Guardian Angel and Operation Sentinel need some work. The main issue I see with it is they seem more or less as filler material. Potentially, a reader could skip from Operation Dragonslayer to Operation Money Cushion without having missed any major plot points. For that matter, I think it would be wise if each story revealed some part of the grand scheme of Renr's or Infra's plans. Operation Guardian Angel While this story has the same issues as Raising Hell and Sentinel, the main problem I see with Guardian Angel is Pyro. He is not developed enough to be significant to the plot and after Guardian Angel, he is never seen again. I have proposed several possible solutions to this: #Make it a stand alone story that occurred before the events of Dark Prophecy. #Have Etah go solo on the mission. #Archive the story and have Etah join GSSOC in either Raising Hell or Sentinel. Operation Sentinel If we decide to "write out" Operation Guardian Angel, we could have Etah join Tholker and Ahrganot on Grjdonsk. The reason for the splitting would be that Sol I Dor and Galiana heard about Harvester fleets in human colonial areas. They would feel compelled to break off and do that mission while Etah, Ahrganot and Tholker decide to take the mission that has a higher priority which would be Raising Hell. The Delsons would get the benefit of being developed more as it would be more emphasized how the Delsons put the protection of others at their highest priority, and it would also provide story material for further tensions between the Galactic Senate. Operation Titanic Discoveries Firstly, I think this story should be split up. It's big enough to qualify as a story arc of its own with a title like that. It will probably be best to split Dark Prophecy into two volumes with the first half encompassing The Best of the Best until Dark Secrets, and the last half encompassing Titanic Discoveries until The Final Confrontation. As it is the last mission just before The Final Confrontation, it really should have more buildup to the climax. When Operation Dark Secrets is done, that story would contribute to the buildup, but by the time the reader has finished Titanic Discoveries, it will have worn off. Something needs to be added that will "reenergize" the presence and danger the Genodraco will pose. The Final Confrontation As mentioned above, the Genodraco should be a lot more threatening. One of my ideas was that before GSSOC meets Infra, there is some sort of space battle above New Arckas and the Batra has to get through a blockade established around the portal to Locubrermour. Speaking of which, I think Locubrermour would have a much greater impact on the reader if it were only visited during The Final Confrontation and not during Operation Titanic Discoveries. I'm sure the KMF has the tech to fly a shuttle down to the city of Arckadium. For New Arckas, I think we should rename it once again either to Nova Arckas, Novarckas or just Arckas. Having the "New" in the title might puzzle the reader, making them wondering where the old Arckas is. Renr and Infra The real reason why we have both of these villains was that Dark Prophecy was not significantly planned in advanced. While it would naturally be simpler to just have one villain, both characters are far too developed to easily remove. So instead, here's a few ideas on how the events can play out between them: *Renr's main goal is to revive the Harbingers. As he is the last implanted Harbinger, he's resorting to cloning himself into hideous creatures known as the Genodraco. *Altus Infra had a different idea. He wants to use the Genodraco as a tool until he can make the Dhragolon the new Harbingers. He's using the Genodraco to create diversions (hence, why they haven't attacked any FMASN colonies yet). *Sometime during Titanic Discoveries, it should be revealed that Infra has betrayed Renr. Final Confrontation events Since I'm moving Twin of Loneliness 2 to Chaos Crisis, I think we can recycle some of the dialogue and fight scenes of Kaden vs. Ahrganot as Etah vs. Renr. During the Renr-Etah battle, Infra is the one on the sidelines. And when Etah defeats Renr, Infra will tell Etah to finish him off. After that, he will give his big speech about how he is trying to save the universe by making the Dhragolon the Harbingers. After the battle, then we have the scene with Etah and Infra arguing over order vs. chaos. However, I think Ahrganot should also have a say in all this as Infra is to Ahrganot as Renr is to Etah. Ahrganot may start to agree with Infra, thinking he was right. When Etah kills Infra, there would obviously be some tension between the two which would better set the stage of Chaos Crisis. Category:Blog posts